Ray and Kathi met online on a dating app called eHarmony. This particular dating app uses a questionnaire to "score" each person against the other. Someone with a rating over 100 is considered a good match. For Ray and Kathi, the match score was 106.

Kathi had been dating for a year or so and had only recently created a profile on eHarmony under her usual alias, "Lisa." Through trial and error, she had begun focusing upon responses within a 10 mile radius of her Newton Center, MA home. Ray had met several other potential partners on eHarmony by the time he found Kathi's profile and started messaging her. Fairly quickly, Ray offered to meet up in person. Kathi, noting Ray's 106 rating and missing his Cumberland, Rhode Island location, thought "Ok, show me a 106." And that's how the first date went down.

This was Kathi's 35th first date. She typically suggested "a walk in a public place" when meeting someone new. Ray wanted to have dinner. From his messages, Ray seemed to present no immediate red flags. So Ray and Kathi met for the first time at Anthony's Coal Fired Pizza in Westwood, MA on a torrentially rainy evening, just after Labor Day 2023. Ray surprised Kathi with yellow daisies, learning early that he could "score points" with flowers. As drinks were ordered, the necessary biography was rolled out. Both Ray and Kathi were surprised to discover several formative experiences that they shared:

-Irish heritage

-Catholic school experience

-Being the oldest of five children

-The next sibling born as he/she learned to walk (also known as an "Irish Twin")

-A fifth sibling born over a decade after him/her

-Living through a "dormer addition" to the family home

Ray followed-up with a text the very next morning to propose a second date on the coming weekend. And, being the planner that he is, Ray presented a list of possibilities for this date that he had brainstormed overnight. Kathi was flattered by Ray's unabashed interest. Almost right away Ray and Kathi were compromising as they put together date number two: a walk in Kathi's neighborhood near Crystal Lake in Newton Center, MA and dinner at Papa Razzi in Wellesley, MA. This date proved noteworthy not only for the strawberry rhubarb cheesecake that they shared for dessert, but also a comment from two other patrons who were seated at the bar: "You two look cute together," they said.

Ray casually mentioned on the fourth date that he was hoping to remarry. Kathi had been dating for companionship, but was less certain about marriage. She was taken aback by Ray's forthrightness and optimism. Without any express agreement, this topic was tabled. But feelings were starting to develop. Shortly thereafter, Ray attended a Zumba class at the YMCA with Kathi. As they said goodbye in the parking lot, without much forethought Kathi said, "Drive safe. Love you." The words hung in the air. Kathi scurried back to her car, while Ray stood smiling at his car door.

As Fall 2023 rolled along, Ray tried to establish two dates a week, but eventually settled for every Saturday night. Kathi had never had a regular Saturday night date commitment and was, once again, flattered. A number of Saturdays that Fall were spent walking Ray's dogs, Bessie and Shadow, and having a quiet dinner at Ray's house in Cumberland. Understanding these significant parts of Ray's everyday life was an obstacle for Kathi initially. She was generally fearful of dogs, after having been bitten a couple of times by other people's dogs during her childhood. Anyone who has been to the house can attest to Bessie's significant size as a Bernese Mountain dog and Shadow's rambunctious nature. Ray's significant ties to Cumberland and the family home itself also gave Kathi pause. She wasn't sure about leaving Newton. Ray describes Kathi as guarded during these days. But both Ray and Kathi recognized how they seemed to have plenty to talk about and shared some fundamental views about life. Ray remained patient, steady and persistent. He kept reaching out with his hand, and Kathi kept accepting it.

A date on New Year's Eve 2024 seemed to mark a turning point. Both Ray and Kathi started to feel more invested. Later that month they traveled together for the first time for an overnight to Falmouth, MA. They started to introduce each other to family and friends. Ray lovingly took care of Kathi when she fell ill on his birthday. With Ray's encouragement, Kathi grew more comfortable holding the leash for first Bessie, and then Shadow.

By the Fall of 2024, Kathi was spending every other work week in Cumberland with Ray. Her work in her telehealth psychotherapy practice allowed her work location to be flexible. In September 2024 Kathi's younger daughter, Gaby, had started working a job in Smithfield, RI. The position had a hybrid, alternate week in-office work location requirement. So that Fall Ray welcomed both Kathi and Gaby into his home during alternate work weeks. Ray also willingly assumed roles as coach, teacher and supporter as Gaby worked through some of the very same licensing exams that Ray holds for his work.

In the Fall of 2024 Ray and Kathi hit another milestone when they traveled to Philadelphia for a wedding. Ray held Kathi's hand (literally!) as she flew for the first time in over twenty-five years. As Ray and Kathi wandered the Walnut Street shopping district, Ray pulled Kathi into a small jewelry boutique. Kathi was encouraged by the clerk to try some rings on because "it's no fun to just look at them." Ray ultimately got down on one knee and proposed as he picked Kathi up for a date on Valentine's Day 2025. Kathi was thrilled to accept Ray's proposal.

Kathi joined Ray in Cumberland full-time in May 2025. Bessie has passed, but Shadow remains a primary player in Ray and Kathi's day-to-day life. With more attention and the sheer passage of time, Shadow has calmed somewhat. He chaperones Ray and Kathi's evenings and has gradually chosen Kathi as one of his favorite people. Ray and Kathi feel blessed to have found each other and to be making this commitment of marriage in the same year that they turned 65 and 60, respectively.

R&K

Wedding Celebration

6:00 PM–10:30 PM

Reception